An answer to Khoren's Post on my FB wall RE Jeremy's essay entitled, 'Dear Liberalā€¦Here's Why I'm So Hostile'
A Letter

Cherry Now


Loveliest of trees, the cherry now

Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide

Now, of my threescore years and ten,
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It only leaves me fifty more.

And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.
                                    
                                -A.E. Housman. A Shropshire Lad. 1896

  

___________

 

                                   ED
                         (Speaking to an unseen audience)
                         I should tell you something about
                         where I am now.  It's a room. 
                         A Complex sta...

                                   MERYL
                         (cutting him off) No.  No no no. 
                         No Ed.  It's not time yet.  Timing
                         is everything and this is not that
                         time.  Let it settle a bit, shall
                         we?  Thirty-eight swells and this
                         thing will bloom.

                                   ED
                         That doesn't mean anything.

                                   MERYL
                         You know it does.  Why don't you
                         tell them about the tree.  That's a
                         good start.  The tree.

                                   ED
                         Which tree?

                                   MERYL
                         THE tree, idiot.  Mundy's tree.

                                   ED
                         Oh.  Yeah.  That tree.  Okay.  

                                   MERYL
                         Mmmmmm.  (She holds her arm and
                         hand out in a summoning motion and
                         from nowhere a plush red cushion
                         flies into her grip.  She takes it
                         and reclines herself on her side,
                         putting the cushion under her
                         ribs.)  I like this story.  Ready? 
                         Go! 

                                   ED
                         Mundy has a tree.

                                   MERYL
                         Yes, yes, Mundy has a tree.  But
                         who, pray, is Mundy?

                                   ED
                         Hold on, let me get this thing
                         going.  I'll get to that.

                                   MERYL
                         Oh, well, fine.  Just want to help
                         you along.

                                   ED
                         Eh... I mean, Mundy has a tree and
                         it appears behind the couch in his
                         room.  He sits over there, as you
                         can see, quiet and still all the
                         day long.  His room is the dayroom
                         at the Utah State Hospital.
                         The Forensics Unit.  That's where
                         they house people who are
                         criminals.

                                   MERYL
                         Or they have criminal charges. 
                         They're not ALL criminals
                         necessarily.

                                   ED
                         Yes, well, they all have the word
                         'ciminal' stamped somewhere on
                         their identy and they're housed on
                         this unit either to serve out their
                         sentence or they are under
                         review to determine if they are
                         competent to stand trial.

                                   MERYL
                         And what's Mundy's crime?

                                   ED
                         I don't know.

                                   MERYL
                         Oh, you do too.  Tell us, won't
                         you?  Enthrall us with your acumen.

                                   ED
                         Yeah.  That's a nice one.  No, I
                         really don't know.

                                   MERYL
                         Have you been swiping Mundy's meds? 
                         Yes, of course you know.  You were
                         standing right there when it
                         happened.  You were standing...

                                   ED
                         I really REALLY don't know. 
                         Besides it doesn't matter.  Mundy
                         is here and he's a frozen popcycle
                         man there on the damn couch.

                                   MERYL
                         Rude.

                                   ED
                         Well, it's true.  Have you ever
                         seen him move?  Anything but a few
                         bubbles of spit blowing up out of
                         the corner of his mouth?

                                   MERYL
                         So what?  He's very ill.  Very very
                         ill.  

                                   ED
                         Yes, well that's what I'm trying to
                         say.  He's very ill.  

                                   MERYL
                         No need to rub it in his face.

                                   ED
                         I'm not.  He can't hear a word I'm
                         saying.  (walks over to the side of
                         his balcony closest to Mundy) Hey,
                         popcycle tard!  Canya hear me!? 
                         Hey dick head!  Yoo hoo!  (He drops
                         his waving arms and looks up to
                         where Meryl reclines herself)  See,
                         nada.  He doesn't give a schnitt
                         what I say.

                                   MERYL
                         Clever.

                                   ED
                         ML said 'schnitt' in class the other day. 
                         I thought I'd swipe it.

                                   MERYL
                         Yes, well that would seem to fit. 
                         Liar and Thief, Edmund Strasse. 
                         But doesn't it distress you at all
                         that Mundy isn't his real name at
                         all?

                                   ED
                         So?  Lots of people with that name.

                                   MERYL
                         Not lots of people in such close
                         proximity.

                                   ED
                         Jason's teachers, Tom and Louise
                         have a son with the same name.  

                                   MERYL
                         Yes, well you made that up, now
                         didn't you.  Probably to assuage
                         your guilty guilty guilty GUILTY
                         conscience.  Isn't that right?

                                   ED
                         Not at all.  As you say, I made HIM
                         up.  So I'm at liberty to make up
                         any name I like.

                                   MERYL
                         Yes, well you chose THAT name, now
                         didn't you.

                                   ED
                         So.

                                   MERYL
                         So.  So just get it out.  Get the
                         name out there, Ed.  Mundy is....

                                   ED
                         Mundy is a popcycle retard frozen
                         dick head catatonic schizo freak
                         slobbering himself into rapture
                         there on that couch.

                                   MERYL
                         And his name is....

                                   ED
                         His name is Mundy.  Everyone calls
                         him Mundy.

                                   MERYL
                         And his NAME IS.....

                                   ED
                         His name is fucking Edmund, okay. 
                         His fucking name is fucking Edmund. 
                         Is that what you want?  ML will
                         hate this.  I hate swearing and
                         here I've gone and done it.

                                   MERYL
                         You can just delete those.

                                   ED
                         Can I?

                                   MERYL
                         Yep.  Easy as pie.  Yummy Cherry
                         Cherry pie.  Just backspace
                         backspace backspace... Easy.

                                   ED
                         It won't change anything, now will
                         it.

                                   MERYL
                         Yes.  Those 'fuck' words will be
                         deleted.

                                   ED
                         See, now you've said it too.

                                   MERYL
                         Oh, I can delete that stuff so so
                         very easily.  See.  (She looks up
                         at one of the sail-cloth screens
                         above her and the dialoge 'Yes. 
                         Those 'fuck' words will be deleted'
                         appears in white letters across the
                         dark screen.  She lifts her index
                         finger, licks it, and turns to
                         Edmund with a grin) I call this my
                         'D-Cursor' (then she turns to face
                         the screen again and pretends to
                         punch a keyboard button) Delete. 
                         Delete.  Delete.  Delete.  (As she
                         does this a curser appears and
                         backspaces over the 'k' the 'c' the
                         'u' and the 'f'.)  Ta duh!

                                   ED
                         Such a clever little witch.

                                   MERYL
                         Yes.  Yes I am.  Speaking of which,
                         my meeting with Chris went
                         swimmingly.

                                   ED
                         Swimming with Chris?

                                   MERYL
                         No.  Swimmingly, idiot.  Wonderful. 
                         Witchingly Wonderful!  

                                   ED
                         How nice.  Who's Chris?

                                   MERYL
                         You know right well who Chris is. 
                         My agent.  My skype chat with
                         my publicist and then my agent.

                                   ED
                         Oh, yes.  That.  Uh huh.  And how
                         did that go?

                                   MERYL
                         Guess who's going to play the
                         witch.  Your favorite witch in your
                         favorite woods!

                                   ED
                         No!

                                   MERYL
                         Yeppp.  

                                   ED
                         I always wanted to play her.

                                   MERYL
                         Yes, well you're a boy and I'm not
                         so I get to play her.

                                   ED
                         When?

                                   MERYL
                         Soon.  Very soon.

                                   ED
                         Okay.

                                   MERYL
                         It's true.  

                                   ED
                         Wonderful.  

                                   MERYL
                         I know!  (Begins humming and waving
                         her arms)  Stay with me.... duh duh
                         dee duh duh duh ....hmmm hmmm hmmm
                         hmmm hmmm the world.....

                                   ED
                         Lovely.  You'll win.

                                   MERYL
                         Of course.  Anyway, Mundy.  Mundy's
                         tree.  Continue.

                                   ED
                         But I'm waiting for you to sing.

                                   MERYL
                         That was it.  No more.  Story.  I
                         want the cherry story.

                                   ED
                         Yes, okay.  

                                   MERYL
                         ED-Mundy's cherry story.

                                   ED
                         Can we... (nearly whispering) 
                         please...

                                   MERYL
                         Oh alright.  Mundy.  Just Mundy's story. 
                         Tell me more about Just Mundy's tree.

                                   ED
                         It appears behind the couch in his
                         dayroom sometimes.  Just out of the
                         blue.  I never know when it will
                         appear.  Then I turn around and
                         it's gone again.

                                   MERYL
                         Magical.

                                   ED
                         Yes.  Magical tree.

                                   MERYL
                         And it's a cherry tree?

                                   ED
                         Yes.  A cherry tree.  I first saw
                         it when I was visiting the street.

                                   MERYL
                         (waving toward the audience) 
                         Consideration, why don't you show? 
                         They have no idea what that is.

                                   ED
                         You're the one who won't let me
                         tell them.  

                                   MERYL
                         Well, so tell them something else. 
                         Where was the tree when you first
                         saw it?  Tell them that.

                                   ED
                         It was his yard.  I was visiting
                         Mundy's yard.  Where he used
                         to go.  He would sit in that
                         tree for hours as a child and it
                         was in his back yard on Luna Way.

                                   MERYL
                         Ooh.  The SAME street that your
                         Jason grew up on.  Jason the serial
                         slasher killer fiend from Luna Way.

                                   ED
                         He's not a slasher killer fiend. 
                         He just fears he is.  

                                   MERYL
                         Well what's the differnce?  First
                         you fear it.  Then you ARE iT.

                                   ED
                         The difference is blood and knives
                         and, you know, actual dead people.

                                   MERYL
                         Ooh.  (looking towards Mundy
                         sitting on the couch, she grins)  Well,
                         there's plenty of real blood.  Give
                         some of it to Jason why don't you. 
                         Spread it around like manure why
                         don't you.  Share the bloody
                         wealth why don't you.

                                   ED
                         That's kind of you to offer.  I
                         want to write him if you don't
                         mind.

                                   MERYL
                         It's a better story.  With real
                         blood.  Pseudo psycho blood is so
                         damn much of a snoozer.  

                                   ED
                         Can we get back to the cherry tree
                         now?                                   

                                   MERYL
                         No.  I'm bored with that.  I really
                         really am.  (Stands up suddenly, her voice
                         rising to a deep bellow) I don't
                         give a SCHNITT about Mundy's damn
                         cherry tree!

                                   ED
                         Whoah.  Calm.  It's okay.  

                                   MERYL
                         Give Jason some of the blood,
                         Edmund!  (pointing both hands
                         straight out at him)  You're a liar
                         and a thief, Edmund Strasse and I
                         command you to give Jason some of
                         Mundy's blood. Pull out your
                         fucking laptop and do it.  Now.

                                   ED
                         You gonna delete that?

                                   MERYL
                         Don't fuck with me,  fella.  Do it!

                                   ED
                         This isn't funny anymore.

                                   MERYL
                         If you won't I'll go cut it down.

                                   ED
                         What?

                                   MERYL
                         I will go now.  Right now.  And I
                         will cut that tree down.  

                                   ED
                         What?

                                   MERYL
                         I WILL cut it down, Edmund Strasse.

                                   ED
                         How?

                                   MERYL
                         Watch me.

                                   ED
                         You can't.

                                   MERYL
                         Watch me.  I can and I will.

                                   ED
                         I don't believe you.  You love that
                         tree.

                                   MERYL
                         It is necessary for the good of
                         all.  You will do as I tell you or
                         I WILL go cut down that fucking
                         tree.

                                   ED
                         Can we do this later?

                                   MERYL
                         We can do this NOW.  Pull out your
                         little lap top and start typing. 
                         Do it.  Or I WILL.  CUT.  IT.  OFF.

                                   ED
                         (Whispering) Down.

                                   MERYL
                         (Dropping her intense composure; after a beat) 
                         What did you say?

                                   ED
                         (Still lowered voice) You mean cut it down.

                                   MERYL
                         Who cares, you know damn well what
                         I mean and I will do it, so get to
                         it.  Type.  Type.  Type.  Effity. 
                         Type.

                                    ED
                         Okay, okay, okay.  (Reaches under
                         his pillow and pulls out his
                         laptop)

                                   MERYL
                         Good.  E.  That's a good boy, now.

                                   ED
                         Mmmmm hmmm.  Okay.  I'm gonna type.

                                   MERYL
                         Yes.  Good.  Good.  I'm sorry I
                         yelled at you.

                                   ED
                         Okay.

                                   MERYL
                         I got all riled up there.  

                                   ED
                         Okay, yeah.

                                   MERYL
                         Out of the blue.

                                   ED
                         I'm gonna type.  

                                   MERYL
                         Good.  You type.  I'll go make some
                         tea.  But be sure to do it now.  I
                         mean it.  You can't let Mundy carry
                         all of that by himself.  I mean it.

                                   ED
                         Okay.  Okay.  I will go.  I will
                         type.  I will do.

                                   MERYL
                         That's good.  I'm sorry I yelled at
                         you.  (starts laughing)  I was
                         gonna cut down your tree.

                                   ED
                         It's not my tree.

                                   MERYL
                         Mundy's tree.  I was going to cut
                         down Mundy's tree.

                                   ED
                         That's what you said.

                                   MERYL
                         Start typing.  I'll come back soon. 
                         I'll come back with some tea and
                         see how you're coming along.

                                   ED
                         Okay.  Okay.  Typing.  

                                   MERYL
                         That's good.  That's very good. 
                         I'm sorry I yelled.

                                   ED
                         Typing now.  

                                   MERYL
                         That's good.  Very good.
 
___________

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